Dear Big Sis,

I was talking to my friend and told her about my kiss with a guy. She said that means I’ve had sex. Is that true?

Please give me answers!

Lota_girl100

Hi Lota_girl100,

Thanks for your question!

There can be a lot of confusion around sex because it’s such a complex topic. So don’t worry, you are not alone. It’s good that you reached out to your Big Sisters at Springster to make sure you really know what’s what!

So you might have heard lots of different things about sex. Many people say that sex can only ever mean when a penis (the male sex organ) goes into the vagina (the female sex organ)… But that’s not true, there’s more to it than that.

Let’s focus on sex when it’s used to mean sexual activity. When you look at it this way, sex is basically the touching of bodies in ways that feel good to everyone involved.

First up, the most important thing is that everyone has freely chosen to be there. Once everyone is comfortable, sex can happen with clothes on or off.

Sex with clothes on? Say whaaat? Yup sex with clothes on is possible. Kissing, touching breasts, rubbing bodies can all be done with clothes on. And if it brings you pleasure, and you want to think of it as sex, then it’s sex.

When it comes to sex with clothes off, there are different levels. There’s kissing, there’s touching genitals with fingers or mouth, and then there’s penetration like vaginal or anal intercourse. Intercourse usually refers to when someone puts a part of their body inside a body part of another person.

People also make sex sound like a big deal, but it’s a very natural thing. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it’s painful. It can make you feel loads of different emotions, so make sure you’re ready before you start the journey.

So the definition of sex may not be as straightforward as you thought, but there are 2 VERY IMPORTANT things to consider before any sexual activity:

1. You must feel comfortable with whatever is happening. If you don’t, you have the right to stop and walk away. Don’t let people pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. You have the power of choice to say NO.

2. You should use protection to avoid unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Some types of contraception include condoms and the birth control pill. These are the 2 most popular types of contraception. Visit your nearest health clinic to talk to someone about the right method for you.

I hope you found this helpful!

P.S. Never forget: Your body. Your choice.